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What's wrong with me?

We all compare ourselves with what we see on social media and tv. I am guilty of doing it too. I browse through Linked In and think, look at how professional these people are. So polished and elegant in their presentation of themselves. Such thoughtful articles, and empowering statistics. Then there’s me. I just shared a Tik Tok video of me finding the milk in my cabinet, which I absent-mindedly placed there instead of the refrigerator. I feel so inferior to those who seem to have it all together.

My body is a sack of jello wrapped in pale, stretch marked skin compared to those on instagram. What’s wrong with me?

I struggle daily with the motivation to work out or even eat healthy. For instance, I had left over pizza for breakfast this morning and am on my second cup of coffee as I write this. I know I should have had my egg whites with fresh salsa and a bowl of oatmeal with almond butter and a handful of berries. I feel better when I start my day with a healthy meal, but today I’m eating through the emotions of realizing that my relationship of over seven years is over. But you know what? I’m giving myself the grace to wallow today, maybe even through the weekend. I have a great meal plan prepared for me by a trainer that I adore and that I worked with successfully a few years ago. I know what to do at the gym too, I just don’t want to do any of it. At least not right now. But I do hula hoop when I take my dog out to pee… does that count?

I live in a rental. What’s wrong with me?

I’m 45 years old, and I still live in a rental. Maybe it’s only a problem for me. We are our own worst critic afterall. But you see, I’m also a real estate agent. Does that make me a hypocrite? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve owned a home before. It was years ago, and I was married. But I hated the house, and the marriage lol, and eventually walked away from both. I’ve been in a rental ever since then. My landlords are wonderful people and live behind me. They have not raised the rent for the entire 8 years that I’ve lived here. They take care of any major issues and I tackle the little stuff around the house. As much as I can manage on my own anyway. They even mow the grass! Our yards are connected, so they just use the big tractor mower and make swipes all the way around. Our dogs play with each other and we chit-chat often. It’s not much, but it’s a comfortable little house that allowed me to work from home, raise my kids, and be comfortable financially while doing so.

I don’t make as much money as I should. What’s wrong with me?

My finances are not great for a middle aged woman. I have a little savings, a little retirement (and I mean little), and probably an average income at best. I stayed in a job for years (a little more than 12 years actually) for meager pay, because the schedule was good and I could leave to pick up my kids from school and bring them back with me for an hour to finish out my work day. For 12 years I stayed there and made under $40,000/year. What’s wrong with me?

But hey, I left there with a great “title” for my resume. Then I was offered a similar job for more money, with one catch. I had to work from home because the new company (one that I work for today), didn’t have a showroom or office. What? You’re gonna pay me more, and I get to work from home? Sign me up. Right now. So I did. And I was home. I was home when my kids got home from school. The laundry was being washed throughout the day, and food was in the crockpot. Rather than a lunch break, I ate at my desk while working. When the dryer would ding, I would get up and switch loads so the kids could fold laundry when they got home. Yes, they had chores. I was immediately so much more productive at work and at home. It has been the most incredible blessing. I was both the provider and the parent. I sacrificed a possibly glamorous career to be able to be home. But what is really a sacrifice? I wouldn’t trade one second of time with my kids for validity in my career. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me? Ask my kids.

My daughter is the reason I have started this blog. She texted me one day recently, and said “I miss your blog mom. I like the way you write. It’s like you’re talking to me.” So - here you go baby girl, and anyone else who wants to be entertained by what it’s like living with me. My kids, although mostly grown now, are the reason I do nearly everything. My daughter is 20, 21 later this year. My son is 17, and will be 18 this year. A fact that my daughter had to call me to make sure I was aware of. The fact that this is the year that my children will be 21 and 18. Adults, both of them. I’m not ready. So this blog will be stories, ponderings, projects, discussions, humor, sadness, memories, travel experiences, real estate, and maybe even some affiliate links if I come across things that I think people should know about.

For now, I’ll leave you with this. What’s wrong with me? Not a damn thing. Oh- I guess I should’ve warned you, I cuss sometimes.

I’ve made great choices and not so good choices too. I have incredible friends and family, I have been in love and I have been hurt by love- but I will continue to love because that is my greatest talent. I am an Interior Designer by degree, a Real Estate Agent by choice and I work simultaneously in both Real Estate and Remodeling. I have a unique knowledge of homes, design, and comfort. I have my own very affordable projects to share, furniture flips, and photos of travels to share. And apparently I have a lot to say. I’m also a woman of faith, stumbling along the path that God has set out for me. I often get lost and distracted by temptations of this world. Maybe you can relate?

Join me next time and I’ll dive deeper into what it’s like, Living with Lis.

May love and comfort surround you,



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